In The Driver’s Seat

I sat down, buckled my seat belt and said a prayer. My son got his permit a couple months ago and yesterday was the first time I drove with him. He drove to the Bank and back and he did a great job. I was nervous, but trying not to show it.  As he adjusted his mirrors, I was filled with emotion.  I went from sadness that my baby is no longer a baby, to the realization that I’m getting old, to plain old fear as he started the car.  I instinctively grabbed the ‘oh shit handle’ as he pulled out of the driveway, then forced myself to loosen my grip.  As he drove I began to relax and memories of driving with my daughter for the first time started coming back to me.  She is a good driver, but I was never able to appreciate her cautious nature or be present with her when she was learning.  My fear of all the things that could happen filled me with panic every time we got in the car together. Instead of teaching her what she needed to know, I did everything I could to prevent her from making mistakes by restricting her driving and doing my best to keep her in a protective bubble. 

So much of life is learning when to stop and when to go, or in my case, when to let go.  The basics of driving I can teach, but other decisions are more nuanced.  These are things I'm supposed to be preparing my children for so that when the time comes they will be able to think for themselves.  Dale Carnegie said 'nearly all of our worries and unhappiness come from our imagination and not from reality.' 

As he carefully made the turn onto our street I realized how much energy I have wasted imagining the worst and promised myself I would try harder this time to leave my imagination at home and focus on giving him the tools he’ll need when I’m not in the passenger seat. He pulled into the driveway and came to stop.  Pulling the key from the ignition, he turned to me and asked, “How did I do?” “Great job”, I answered, then paused and added “A+!”